The Lost Album

by Too Much Joy

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1.
SECRET HANDSHAKE Jumping up and down on public transportation Moses in a dress is addressing the nation I got plans for the man I got the fire inside Walking down Wall Street, raining businessmen Hand some money to a cop cuz policemen are your friends Searching for the Buddha underneath the apple tree Who knows the words of wisdom and speaks them unto me Maybe you think it's funny I'm one of those crash test dummies Let me tell you I got business going on Gimme ten grand or two tens Spend it all on my friends Babe my secret handshake is my song Sitting in the park it's a perfect sunny day Even stupid pigeons sort of look ok Old lady in a car makes a big mistake Steps on the gas thinking it's the brake Happened very fast right before my very eyes But it didn't make any sense till I watched the news at five Somewhere in Montana there's someone who understands Although we've never met, right now we're shaking hands Downtown in a gallery there was free food and wine Big thoughts hung from the walls, some of them were mine An usher said no pointing but he did not have a gun Everybody cheered when the cardinal killed his son If anything is art that someone pays you for Then I have met Picasso, mistook him for a whore Hate the corporate world but I shop there when I must This is the secret handshake that means you're one of us Maybe you think it's funny I'm one of those crash test dummies Let me tell you I got business going on If you've got ten grand or just two tens and spend it all on your friends Then you can't get this secret handshake wrong © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
2.
A TEXAS SUNDAY nothing going on but the weather's good my bike's got a flat like I would take it walking round your neighborhood nothing looks too sacred found a street fair by the closed-down theater cheap sneakers but not my size same stuff as usual no beer but curly fries This is so much fun; when will it end? Doing nothing wrong; still don't fit in This is so much fun; when will it end? Trying to belong Try to stay hidden one thing I never saw before can you tell by my expression? missile launcher guarded by bored soldiers who don't appreciate questions Take a good look at a tank You've got nothing smart to say Little boys in tiny ties I guess it was Sunday This is so much fun; when will it end? Doing nothing wrong; still don't fit in This is so much fun; when will it end? Trying to belong Try to stay hidden Two tables of bonsai trees they, too, were unimpressive look at what we can do to these just seems so aggressive Nobody sold nothing that anybody'd need I bought a book for fifty cents I'm never gonna read © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
3.
Peacenick 03:53
PEACENIK I saw you with a red balloon in the middle of a crowd of facist-hating facists no smiling was allowed Anarchy never looked so regal I'd love you but it's illegal Sound and lights and energy plus sound advice thrown in for free Peacenik's gonna change the world One person at a time Peacenik's gonna change the world one person at a time Peacenik's gonna change the world woah-oh Peacenik's gonna change the world if he doesn't change his mind Peacenik's gonna change the world woah-oh Preaching to the perverted Bow before almighty noise A picnic on the astro-turf What's not to enjoy? Dancing in a minefield, girl I got my shovelful Will not love our neighbors, no until they're lovable This is not an attitude It's my personality © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
4.
Mary Matalin 04:13
MARY MATALIN Mary's got some juicy facts She's going to relate them Boss can't get away with that and so he delegates 'em Mary looks into the lens and says what she's supposed to Despite the evil she intends she's someone I feel close to Despite all her calculations we could dance to a rock and roll station it would be all wrong but it would feel all right Here comes Mary She looks just like your friend Here comes Mary Mary Matalin Mary looks into my eyes and says just what she has to we both know she lies she does it really bad, too Despite all her calculations we could dance to a rock and roll station it would be all wrong but it would feel all right She loves her boss, her loyalty has been amply demonstrated Life is best when it's simple and better when it's complicated Despite all her calculations we could dance to a rock and roll station it would be all wrong but it would feel all right Here comes Mary She looks just like your friend Here comes Mary Mary Matalin Here comes Mary She looks just like your friend There goes Mary There she goes again © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
5.
Half Life 04:27
HALF LIFE There is no space for what you need to know on the forms that I must fill out I'm happiest alone I'm miserable that way All this stuff just wants to spill out I take pleasure in the simple things I love my headphones and my wedding ring Are you talking to me now or reading from a script? What's that supposed to mean you say you wanna be yourself? I don't think you even know just who the hell that is You spend half your life pretending you're like everybody else Like everybody else I tell the same joke many different ways But you never seem to get it You're jerking off to catalogs Don't you feel a bit pathetic? I take pleasure in the simple things I love my headphones and my wedding ring You spend half your life remembering your life when you were young And half your life dreaming how much better life could get Well everytime you make a choice hey half your life is gone All you got's a few big dreams divided into many small regrets Like everybody else Never take any pictures Just try to remember All I remember is trying Here's a story I like I think it happened to me I don't even know if I'm lying Are you talking to me now or reading from a script? What's that supposed to mean you say you wanna be yourself? I don't think you even know just who the hell that is No, I don't think you have a clue just who the hell that is You spend half your life pretending you're like everybody else © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
6.
BARNEY GARDEN Can't afford this city or to move to somewhere else Looking deeply in your eyes I don't see any help Haven't left home but I'm already lost Burning bridges that I haven't even crossed Hate mistakes that others make can't catch mine till it's too late Let the conspiracy theories be true Just let me say, babe I love you Hey what's that red stuff on my fender? Just drop the gun, man, I surrender So long as someone knows what's going on Just give me something I can count on Like my buddy said when they let him walk "Prison is free and I like to suck cock" I belong inside cuz my mind's messed up I respect anybody who has fessed up More perspective possible This spy's life is awful dull Just like my skull Hey what's that red stuff on my fender? Just drop the gun, man, I surrender So long as someone knows what's going on Just give me something I can count on © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
7.
DRUNK AND IN LOVE She's visiting a cousin or someone I'm with the only friend I could find She's just as close as that pay phone I'll call collect she won't mind I'll make fun of her ex-boyfriend I'll ask her what she wants to name our kids She'll tell me she can't live without me I'll call her Nancy till she calls me Sid Nothing really matters Everything reminds me of the fact that nothing matters when you're drunk and in love Spent my last dollar on a silk purse in Chinatown It's got this picture of a pumpkin I don't even know if she'll like it (don't matter) I just want to give her something All the dead ducks in the windows are croaking out my happy song All the junkies wiping windshields they can't help but sing along Nothing really matters Everything reminds me of the fact that nothing matters when you're drunk and in love She's asleep in some other time zone I'm with a friend who wonders where I've been I want to tell her why she's so amazing She's not here so I'll just tell him I'll tell her how much I miss her I'll ask her if she's wearing any clothes I'll ask her what she'd do if I died tomorrow I'll make her tell me something no one knows I'll tell her all about the silk purse that was gonna be a surprise I'll tell her what I want for Christmas I'll sing a song about her eyes Nothing really matters Everything reminds me of the fact that nothing matters when you're drunk and in love © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
8.
Frustrated 02:29
FRUSTRATED I'm so I'm so I'm so Frustrated yeah, yeah frustrated yeah, yeah Your friends Your friends Your friends are so Overrated yeah, yeah frustrated yeah, yeah Here I am on my knees stop and start no release this lab rat wants his cheese This is the sound of one man snapping everything has been Confiscated yeah, yeah, frustrated yeah yeah Here I am on my knees stop and start no release this lab rat is not pleased I'm so I'm so sit down we need to talk's when I get up to go every time I ask what's wrong you say I don't know makes me frustrated yeah, yeah frustrated yeah, yeah © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
9.
HELLO LOVE TRACTOR Hello Love Tractor I wrote on the wall between a bunch of bands with better names Hate anyone who can play guitar Wish this club would go up in flames Best argument for never drinking again pee in a bar when you're sober Frightening scrawls scream from every wall Frat boys, poets and soldiers Something's curious Someone's furious Watch your step The nasty feeling lingers Too true to be beautiful Like newsprint on your fingers Too true to be beautiful I've been to every state but one It's a great big old country Nobody's got anything in common Everybody wants to punch me I still think America's great I still love my country Nobody's got anything in common Everyone can talk about tv Staying out too late Avoid the interstate Stay awake That nasty feeling won't go Too true to be beautiful Still tastes the same tomorrow Too true to be beautiful Serious as your first hangover It's as real as your last nightmare Well hello all six of you Hello hello anyone out there Hope this finds you well Hope this just finds you What the hell © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
10.
HOW TO BE HAPPY I've got the tiniest bedroom it's gigantic without you La la la la la la la la is yours too big too? in your dreams everything's important till you wake up the next day can't remember what the big deal was try to live my whole life that way I've learned how to stay Now I'm learning not to care Asleep half the day I'm learning not to care Never leave this bed of mine no other bed can compare learning how to be happy and learning not to care La la la la la la la la hung a big map on the wall and I've stuck on these gold stars everywhere I've been before Got a star in Paris, France got a star in Hollywood you get to name your own star if your telescope is good I've learned how to stay Now I'm learning not to care Asleep half the day I'm learning not to care other folks as far away as the stars at which I stare learning how to be happy and learning not to care La la la la la la la la la la la la la la Now my life is like a montage sequence Only feel one way always I've got the tiniest bedroom it's gigantic without you Do they have bedrooms where you are? la la la la, la la © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
11.
THE KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND Well they flash those half-knowing smiles as they pass heroic profiles Like they're in some book by Ayn Rand Always working, always tanned So satisfied but the kids don't understand You kiss her he doesn't even love you! it's a blur she's getting on top of you Sometimes you see stuff nobody planned Stick your head back in the sand oh, don't worry cause the kids don't understand Stuck your hands in the wet cement in the soft spot of my skull Well it stings lick your wounds if I could no such thing as a normal childhood Let's give all those concerned a big hand Maybe they deserve it, but the kids don't understand Stuck your hands in the wet cement in the soft spot of my skull We're not dumb even if you spell it we catch on don't have to yell it I see her flinch, when you raise your hand There's not too much that the kids don't understand © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
12.
I BELIEVE IN SOMETHING Swimming neath the continents Swirling through the sky is everything I don't know yet And still won't when I die For I am just a little thing Astounded by everything The wet grass beneath my feet The tall towers of concrete If I was God no one would doubt it We wouldn't need church to get The mystery that we once knew The something we forget I believe I'm a totally modern boy but turn out the light and I believe in something Don't wanna be some evil giant's toy when it's late at night I believe in something My friend had his death foretold When he was twenty-six years old I say the right things they're no help His body slowly eats itself If I was God no one would doubt it No one would suspect There was nothing I could do With my greater intellect I believe in these tiny little pills -- I believe in something Mystic words on the backs of dollar bills -- I believe in something I'm swimming neath the continents I'm swirling through the air Can't see the bones beneath my skin But I know that they're there I believe that my little heart's diseased -- I believe in something Like to think there are people just like me -- I believe in something I believe what they taught me in grade school History is made by handsome dudes I believe everything on television Twelve step programs are the new religion Gideon bibles make good rolling papers The just prevail sooner or later I believe I will live forever I believe it all I swear to whatever © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
13.
I'M YOUR WALLET I'm your wallet once upon a time I was your pal Yeah, I'm your wallet That's ok because you're my gal Buried inside of me is a picture of the way we used to be Keep me in your pocket Melt me like a piece of chocolate I'm your wallet a joke you made I'm your wallet Believe me baby it's a fair trade I climbed the ladder till I made it to the last rung Waiting at the top was the bottom of the next one Buried inside of me is a picture of the way we used to be In the back out of view is some change I kept from you I'm your wallet a joke you made I'm your wallet Believe me baby it's a fair trade I'm your wallet a joke you made I'm your wallet Believe me baby it's a fair trade Buried inside of me Is a picture of the way we used to be You're looking kind of bored I guess I never noticed that before I'm your wallet a joke you made I'm your wallet Believe me baby it's a fair trade © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
14.
GET ME OUT OF HERE A flood-lit Virgin Mary stares down at a mile-wide pit Half this city fell inside when they tunneled under it And everybody here lives life upside down Because everybody's dreaming about what's underground Right now I might be seeing double That just makes it twice as clear I would jump that mile-wide pit If it would get me out of here They had all-night restaurants a hundred years ago They started digging for silver When they'd dug up all the gold In the hometown of Evel I ordered humorous drinks Got a lot of great stories So what if my life stinks Right now I might be seeing double That just makes it twice as clear I would jump that mile-wide pit If it would get me out of here He realized long ago What just occurred to me If you can't live well Then die fantastically I'll douse myself in gasoline Roll myself to city hall If I live or if I die All the people will applaud © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
15.
No Reason 04:00
NO REASON Talking to myself while I'm walking down the street I guess that's ok I fit right in City living, man you know it can't be beat Couple years ago I would've been frightened Saw you down the block and I felt just like a spy Should've said hello but I couldn't resist Watching you watch yourself in every window you went by I, too, am guilty of this No reason for these thoughts No reason for these deeds No reason's all the reason anybody needs Lost in the teeming masses But you got cool sunglasses No reason's all the reason anybody needs Cabbie knows the city his mind is like a map He will drive you anyplace you say Would he know the way if I said take me to you fast? Why should he do this anyway? No reason for these thoughts No reason for these deeds No reason's all the reason anybody needs Don't know my neighbor's names Everybody looks the same No reason's all the reason anybody needs This suitcase has a little bomb inside it Don't worry, there's no need to get excited Now I can't stand people who cop an attitude And I just plain can't stand cops And I can't just stand around like all these other dudes Those horns honk on and on it never stops No reason for these thoughts No reason for these deeds No reason's all the reason anybody needs Lost in the teeming masses But you got cool sunglasses No reason's all the reason anybody needs This suitcase has a little bomb inside it Don't worry, there's no reason to ignite it This suitcase has a little bomb inside it © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music
16.
EVEN THE QUEEN I fell asleep to the sound of motorboats dragging the lake, sheriff clears his throat sounds carry very far at night Looked so long for some common bond There it is at the bottom of the pond The mayor's daughter won't come back this time Even the Queen Even the Queen Even the Queen has been here Tried to shake his hand but he only had one arm Here's my sorry smile, there goes all my charm What was my face like before? He said never mind, it's a stupid story Mine eyes have seen the glory Seen the glory but now they're bored Even the Queen etc. once in a while you think maybe once in a while you drink baby once in a while you find once in a while you don't mind It's a scary world, people are frightening But I love the thunder, I love the lightning My dog thinks I know what to do Once in a while you get the feeling Nothing's wrong, it's like you're stealing A moment that wasn't meant for you My heart is pure though I have tried to soil it Even the king died upon the toilet do not go gentle into that food fight Born with a scream you die with a whimper In between you must lose your temper thank you very much good night © & ℗ 1994 People Suck Music

about

We recorded dozens of songs after finishing the touring for Mutiny at the beginning of 1993 and the day Sandy left the band in the fall of ‘94, and while many of those eventually came out, either on the re-release of Green Eggs and Crack or the Gods and Sods collection, they never got assembled as they might have sounded in their own coherent package. So here we’ve combined those cuts with the original, unreleased versions of 6 tracks that wound up on …finally. All of them feature Sandy playing his Status bass and singing.

The original plan for album 5 (in Tim’s head, at least) had been to open with “Secret Handshake” and end with “Even the Queen.” What would have wound up in between those two is anybody’s guess. At least two of these probably would have been cut, and the order would likely have been different after the band argued about it for a while, but this is a reasonable approximation of what the denizens of an alternative universe got to buy at Tower Records (perhaps, in that alternate universe, Tower Records still exists).

Taken together, you get an odd mixture of bliss and resignation that feels quite a bit different from the loud-fast-still-rules vibe of …finally.

credits

released June 9, 2009

Jay Blumenfield: guitars and singing
Tim Quirk: singing
Sandy Smallens: bass and singing
Tommy Vinton: drumming

Produced and mixed by William Wittman for Weedy Wet Productions

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Too Much Joy Scarsdale, New York

TMJ is/was a punk-pop band of some minor renown. Some of that renown was due to their music, which included semi-hits such as “Crush Story,” “Donna Everywhere,” and “That’s a Lie” — a cover of the LL Cool J tune that featured the man himself in the music video, which actually got played quite a bit during daylight hours on MTV back when they did that sort of thing. ... more

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